do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
