Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
