ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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