I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
