my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
