i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
