I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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