I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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