Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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