Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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