at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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