I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
