He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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