I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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