grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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