He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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