im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
