Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
