ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
