Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
