My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
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i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
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Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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