You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
