I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
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Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
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He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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