Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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