As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
