Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just had sex on a roof
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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