Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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