first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
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If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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