Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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