this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
