If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
