Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
