I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
