Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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