Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
