So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
