Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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