i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
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