Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
