If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
