you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
