The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
