Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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