Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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