I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
