NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
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There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
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And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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