Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
