using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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