I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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