If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
