What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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