All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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