Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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