Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
