Sponge bath it is.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
