it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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