im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
