Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize