Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My liver just had a heart attack.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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