I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
