you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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