Too much gin, very little bucket
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
