I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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