happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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