someone get that fucking seahorse.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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