Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
