Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize