he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize