it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
