All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
