My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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