and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
