I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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